Tag Archive | ADHD

Father’s Day Wanderings…

Happy Father’s Day, Michael.  I love you!!!  Valerie

_20160918_183840

My husband Michael Ellsworth Curren Rocks!

I’m so thankful for the heritage of faith!  My own father has been an incredible example of godly fatherhood for my entire life.  He has found the way to balance faith, fun, and fatherhood…and it’s been passed down to both his sons and his son-in-law, my husband, Michael.  What a tremendous legacy…his children rise up and call him blessed!

Image result for quiver scripture

image from a Bing.com image search for “quiver scripture”

My husband has experienced Father God as a literal father to himself, someone who grew up basically fatherless.  Although his parents were married when he was born, their marriage dissolved during his early elementary years and his mom moved him nearly halfway across the country surrounding that divorce.  He only saw his dad a couple more times before he died during my husband’s teen years.  He later had a step-father, who being a strong Christian, lead both Michael and his mother to the Lord!  This man has been gone now for nearly two decades, and was a thousand miles away during my husband’s own developing into a father years.

Image result for fathers scripture quotes

image from a Bing.com image search for “fathers scripture quotes”

Michael is an amazing man of God, who has a near Abrahamic friendship style relationship with his Heavenly Father.  He has overcome the odds of familial alcoholism and serial divorce and lives his life as a testament to the power of Christ to break the chains both within and about us.  There are not enough words to convey the impact of seeing Michael persevere through the crucible years of Special Needs Parenting, and that is still the gift that still keeps on giving, though thankfully not with the same brutality as the early years!  We love our special son, but he has challenged us in many ways–certainly beyond our own abilities to endure apart from God’s grace & strength…

Image result for quiver scripture

image from a Bing.com image search for “quiver scripture”

My husband is such a blessing to me and to our four children…and also now to our new daughter-in-law.  I really can’t wait to see where the Lord takes us on this wild ride that is marriage and family life in the (hopefully) many years to come.

Happy Father’s Day 2017

25 Years of Marriage

23 Years of Parenting

1 month of In-Lawing

Image result for what a ride quote

Bing.com image search for “what a ride”

Below is a copy/paste from my niece’s Facebook page.  She is quoting a poem my brother Curtis wrote about our dad many years ago.  [Correction per my parents, see Comments below, this is actually a poem that Ashley wrote for my brother Curtis on the occasion of his birthday earlier–my mistake…]  These sentiments are so applicable to my husband, my father, my brothers, and presumably to my sons when they too are blessed with Fatherhood someday…having all had many examples of men doing Fatherhood God’s Way!  Enjoy…
Ashley Farasyn with Dawn Williams Stoddard.

Thank you for the gifts you’ve given me. The gifts of laughter and story-telling and articulation and poetry. Thank you for teaching me math is my friend and for being a rock and a firm foundation to stand on. Thank you for lifting me out of the water when I go under and gasp for air. Thank you for always knowing how to catch me even if I flail in the air and come down the wrong way. Thank you for being a dad who knows how to be right but also knows how to be wrong. Thank you for loving Jesus and bringing generational freedoms to your children and your household. Thank you for all your prayers and healing. Thank you for stepping into soberness so that I could follow. Thank you for speaking life into others and being sometimes the only bright part of someone’s day. I love that your main goal with whoever you come across is to make them see the love of Jesus and also pee their pants. I love how God made you. And I love that He put us together. And since you are not on FB, I will tag your wife because I know you use her phone in equal amounts. And because I can’t help it, I am recycling your birthday poem because it’s all so true. You are one of my favorites. ♡♤¤

“What does it mean,”
“What does it mean?” you say
To have a dad who has fun
and knows how to play?

It means there’s games, and smiles,
and laughing galore
And tears rolling down cheeks
and more, more, more, more!

The more games there are,
the more creative our minds.
You see, dads who have fun
know how to seek, hide, and find!

They like to think out-of-the-box
and do the impossible.
Dads who have fun
are down right unstoppable!

What can’t we do
if we can climb the shelves at the store;
And throw cans of spaghetti sauce
at dinosaurs on the floor?

How about walking through forrests
and crossing tree logs,
To find the buried treasure of pirates
filled with chocolate coins and pogs?

When you have a dad who has fun,
nothing is boring!
So there’s no time whatsoever
for sleeps, yawns, or snorings!

Games abound by the dozen
and so does the fun!
Have you ever turned off the radio
and at the top of your voice, sung?

Have you ever crossed your legs
because you’re laughing so hard you might pee?
I don’t want to say it was me that did it,
but okay, it was me, it was me!

Dads are the best!
(But the fun ones are better.)
Your cheeks and your pants
just might get a tad wetter!

Don’t underestimate
the power of fun!
Laughing is therapy,
I asked a doctor once.

When you laugh,
you gain confidence
which is the opposite of fear.
A dad who shows you to laugh,
shows you he cares.

My dad is funny
and boy, he sure is the man!
He’s my number one sitcom
and I’m his number one fan!

Image may contain: 3 people, people sitting, grass and outdoor

Posting & Picture from my niece Ashley Stoddard Farasyn’s Facebook page, showing Zachary, daddy Curtis, and Ashley circa 1994

Here are a some special photos from my husband’s Facebook page: 
Family
Image may contain: people smiling, one or more people, people standing, night, suit and indoor

Michael & Valerie engaged, December 1991

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, indoor

that was then, this is now…”It’s not the years, it’s the mileage” as Indiana Jones said…

Image may contain: 5 people

sons: Josiah, Brandon, & Nathaniel; husband Michael; & father Bill, circa 2011; at The Shack

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling

Michael & our daughter Clarissa hunting Michigan’s North Woods, circa 2014

34190_100_3744_display

The pool where it all began…Valerie and Michael met at this pool in their then apartment complex, Sand Dollar, in Tulsa, Oklahoma in May of 1991. Val says that since they had no one in common, God introduced them. Returning to the scene of the crime they documented how things have changed over the ensuing years, Summer 2010.

44333_018_display

Michael and his mom’s artwork; the rest of us will meet her some day when we are all with the Lord…

and in honor of the familial ADHD tendencies…

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and outdoor

Michael’s Facebook caption for this one, “One of the dangers of being distracted by a squirrel!”

Rock!

Image may contain: one or more people

Binding Faith Band, the beginning of Michael’s Christian Rock Band Adventures!  Jason-rhythm guitar, Tim-vocals, Greg-lead guitar, Paul-drums, & Michael-bass

No automatic alt text available.

rocking in his basement Man Cave before allowing our son(s) to live there instead…

No automatic alt text available.

Rocking Rocktoberfest with his former band, Harken

Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, people on stage, people standing, guitar and outdoor

New Band, Lively Pelts: Marty-lead guitar & vocals, Roy-drums, & Michael-bass & backup vocals, at Blessing of the Bikers, Victory Biker Church, June 17, 2017

Faith Walk

No automatic alt text available.

“Went to pick up pizza and got caught up in appreciating my Fathers handy work! Artist God.”

No automatic alt text available.

Michael’s found the narrow way, and wouldn’t you know it’s in the North Woods of Michigan!  I’ve always said that Michigan is God’s Country…

Thoughts on “I Can’t Do This Special Needs Life”

Image result for special needs life

from Bing.com image search for “special needs life”

It’s always with a bit of fear & trepidation that I ever decide to engage the special needs arena more directly than daily life requires, especially when it’s mandatory (like IEP time).  Well, this short article came into my inbox and some of her thoughts below really resonated…

I can’t do this; be a wife, a mom, a nurse and keep my tears behind dry eyes.  I had dreams of doing things in the medical field a lifetime ago. That didn’t happen for reasons upon reasons. But here I am, working (and living) in the medical field every day. I didn’t expect my patient would be my own child. Now that those long-lost dreams are alive and well in my everyday life all I can think of every moment is, “Please God, I can’t do this.”

from: http://www.keyministry.org/specialneedsparenting/2017/6/9/i-cant-do-this-special-needs-life

The bolded part in the above quotation is what got me back typing away here.  Through a series of seemingly random events I studied and graduated University with a Pre-Med Degree (BS, Bio-Medical Chemistry).  I did take the MCAT (Medical College Admissions Test) and did marginally well but just never applied to Medical School.  At that time I was getting burned out on an extreme science emphasis like my basically Chemistry Major/Biology Minor Degree had demanded; I needed a break.  Being pretty eclectic in my interests & “motivations” (if one can even say I have the latter!) I was just not really interested in then pursuing medicine right out of my undergraduate program; I ended up pursing Christian Counseling instead…

The ironic thing is that I partially made this decision because I “wanted to have a life” and thought the extensive studies and training involved in Med School would mean many years before I would get much reprieve or enjoyment out of living.  Amazingly, before a decade had passed, I too, like the mom above, was facing the most challenging of all patients, my own extremely complex special needs child, and truly my life would never be my own again…

Image result for sick child

from a Bing.com image search for “sick child”

Frankly I don’t know how anyone copes with the challenges, upheavals, sorrows, rage, exhaustion, confusion, depression, isolation, and tediousness of it all without the Lord’s saving Grace & Peace!  These extensive trials have driven our family to the Foot of the Cross time & time again.  And even with His “Peace that passes understanding” there are many days when we just have to slog it out…& it ain’t pretty either!

Image result for comfort in suffering

from a Bing.com image search for “comfort in suffering”

I still honestly don’t know what to do with all the “stuff” that has been crammed down into my soul with minimal if any real “processing” time or resolution.  It is difficult for me to make sense of some of those special needs experiences without some outlet for said processing–which is one of the reasons for the existence of this blog at all.

Only considering my “special” son’s particular needs, here’s some of what we’ve faced:

  • Pregnancy problems/IUGR (Intra-Uterine Growth Retardation AKA small for gestational age)
  • Prematurity, Very Low Birth Weight, 2# 6 oz (qualified for SSI in the hospital)
  • Failure to Thrive
  • Congestive Heart Failure
  • Complex structural birth defects
  • 2 1/2 months in the NICU (Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit)
  • Ambulance ride to a different hospital for Open-Heart Surgery
  • Living apart from my husband for 3 months during heavy season of stress
  • Inability to directly breastfeed my son due to his weakness, so nearly 3 months of pumping breastmilk for him to be gavage fed via a tube in his nose, or alternatively to feed his twin when we were apart because I was in the hospital with his brother around the clock…
  • Open heart surgery at 2 1/2 months & ~4 pounds; the night beforehand being the only time our entire immediate family was in one room together, as in I was preparing myself/us for the possibility that our son would die & that pre-op visit would be all the time that we ever had together as an intact family…
  • Urinary Tract Infection delaying hospital discharge, I discovered this
  • Relatively short time at “home”; Life threatening respiratory infection (RSV) leading to an across state ambulance ride and re-hospitalization, and the admission X-Ray revealing an unexplained broken rib so “formality” inquiries; he had a second RSV hospitalization when about a year old
  • Breathing Machine (Nebulizer) with meds & chest percussions
  • Seemingly endless vomiting with practically every feeding and/or dosage of meds
  • Various Proprioceptive & Vestibular interventions, brushing, joint compression, etc (mostly done by me)
  • Problems with hernias requiring near emergency surgery during the post-op phase from Heart Surgery
  • Visiting Nurses
  • Medicaid
  • WIC
  • County Health Departments
  • Numerous Medical Specialists with sometimes conflicting advice
  • In Home Therapy visits (PT, OT, Speech)
  • In Home Teaching, in three different cities
  • Preventive Care Services, support for a family in near crisis
  • Being written up in our local paper because of the uniqueness of our situation
  • Authorized coverage for respite child care so my husband & I could get a reprieve, but an inability to use this service because we couldn’t find anyone capable of handling Josiah’s needs and our other two or three kids…
  • Major behavioral & emotional problems
  • Balance Problems & Hearing Loss needing Myringotomy Ear Tubes surgically placed numerous times to help correct
  • Autism Spectrum issues, but not diagnosed early enough nor classic enough to get real help from the school system
  • Sound Field System in School
  • Neuropsychological Testing numerous times, virtually all data was ignored by school “professionals”
  • Unspecified Neurological Impairments
  • Balance, Equilibrium, Processing, & Sensory Challenges
  • Unusual Therapies; Sensory Integration Therapy, Music Therapy, Art Therapy, Social Skills Group, etc.
  • Early-On Program
  • Developmental Assessment Clinics
  • Virtually no “typical” twin experiences, nothing like what “the books” say
  • Complex staged birth defect surgeries
  • Positional Head Deformity, requiring an orthotic helmet to reshape the skull
  • Moving our residence across the state to be closer to adequate medical care (husband’s job change & our near year separation, except for weekends, during the entire selling/moving process)
  • Second Open Heart Surgery at about 4 1/2 years with statements implying that another heart surgery would be likely within a decade (though a 3rd surgery in this domain still pends)
  • High Blood Pressure, Blood Pressure Monitoring Machine, spotty compliance
  • Numerous Medications over the years
  • Social isolation for our son in particular, but our family as well, due to the complex challenges & lack of awareness on other people’s parts
  • Years of car rides, mornings, announcements of plans changing, etc that resulted in ceaseless screaming, hitting, kicking, etc…=familial upheaval
  • Years of deliberate “button pushing” of all family members, being a deliberate atomic bomb within the family=massive stress
  • Lifelong Pediatric Cardiology care
  • Lifelong Pediatric Urology care
  • Massive battles with Special Education after having positive Special Ed Pre-School experiences
  • Only one month in “real school” with his twin brother
  • Having to “repeat” a year of Special Ed Pre-school due to educational negligence, incompetence, &/or indifference & my own weaknesses in entering the fray
  • Severe Learning Disability in Math, misinterpreted as global delay
  • Tutoring
  • Being told for years we needed Advocacy help, but rarely finding any available and/or affordable
  • Community Mental Health, home & center-based care
  • Insurance challenges in getting needed services covered/provided
  • Respite Care, both in home and center based
  • Chronic Bedwetting, well into the teen years
  • Multiple Sleep Disorders requiring CPAP usage
  • Congenital Double Vision, eventually “corrected” surgically
  • Student Aides/Para-Professional involvement only after major battles with Special Ed even though doctors insisted this was vital at the outset of regular schooling
  • Massive Educational & Disability Discrimination…any real recourse here???
  • Learning about free advocacy training and materials but when pursuing them discovering the programs were cut; same now in relation to job training issues
  • Having a Brain Tumor and Liver Masses discovered at virtually the same time
  • Getting Cancer evaluations
  • Human Growth Hormone deficiencies, but no real treatment because of other complicating issues
  • Being accused by school staff of inappropriate behavior that he didn’t do, and not allowing a parent to be present to assist him in processing the situation
  • Brain Tumor removal through the nasal passage, so no visible scarring!
  • Ultimately needing & getting a whole Liver Transplant
  • Lifelong Liver Transplant Clinic care
  • ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
  • Unexplained dizzy spells, EEGs don’t reveal reasons
  • “Hypoglycemia”
  • Emergency Room Runs for injuries & once for an environmental breathing issue that I thought meant my son would die in my arms before we reached the hospital
  • Pervert encounters in the park as a child and at school as an adolescent, with major emotional fallout
  • Spiritual battles that periodically resurface & blindside & overwhelm him
  • Continuing to help him navigate the world, including processing why even though he and his twin brother are a minute apart in birth times their life experiences are worlds apart
Image result for comfort in suffering

from a Bing.com image search for “comfort in suffering”

Well, my oldest son has mentioned on a number of occasions how I “never use my education”, since I’m not currently in the workforce.  It has honestly taken every aspect of what I’ve learned formally, inter-personally, spiritually, and experientially to navigate the extremely treacherous waters that Special Needs Parenting has led us through.  Some doctors have kindly indicated that I have a virtual medical degree by way of this personal parenting experience.  Whatever I have become, much of it is now attributable to being a Special Needs Mom.  It has become a burden, a badge of honor/courage, and ultimately a blessing.  In God’s Kingdom He brings Beauty for Ashes, Light from Darkness, and Hope beyond Despair!

Though I didn’t ask for this calling, as much as it lies within me, I try not to shirk the attendant responsibilities.  We’ve spoken as a family on these matters a number of times and we all agree we wouldn’t change things, even if we could.  As my eldest son has said, “Josiah is the heart of our family!”  So we are Challenged, Confused, Cracked Up, and Comforted by his uniqueness.  He still sees the Lord with “unveiled face”, being so pure of heart.  The rest of us might be relatively normal by this world’s standards, but Josiah stands tallest and purest in the Kingdom of God!  It is all of our privileges to walk along side of him in this crazy, painful, wonderful life…

Image result for beauty for ashes

Image from a Bing.com image search for “beauty for ashes”

 

 

Textbook Freneticism, Part Deux

So my daughter’s Freshman year of college has concluded and it’s time to return the rented textbooks.  This is making me re-visit the textbook acquisition process, to some degree, by way of a bit of a “de-brief” to avoid some of the pitfalls of this year’s search scenario to assist in streamlining future endeavors…

The winter semester began with an exhaustive & exhausting search for the best possible prices in hopes of not needing to reinvent this wheel in the future and to be able to better advise my other college friends in their own book searches…

The final source of this semester’s purchases was a bit of an inadvertent find.  I had already run several searches for Individual books at the website when I noticed an ability to search for Multiple Books simultaneously!  Here’s what we found initially at DirectTextbook.com:

Lowest Combined Price (All Bookstores)

*Click the book’s price to go to the bookstore

New Used Ebook Rental
9780393340730 – The Lifespan of a Fact TextbookRush MarketTextbookRush Market + $4.58 +
9781285436500 – Writing Analytically KnetbooksKnetbooks + + + $23.41
9780872206335 – Five Dialogues : Euthyphro, Apology, Crito, Meno, Phaedo Half.comHalf.com + $2.20 + +
9780872206410 – God KnetbooksKnetbooks + + $13.94
9780205863792 – The DK Handbook : Researching, Desigining, Documenting, Proofreading, Arguing, Writing, Editing, Revising AlibrisAlibris $8.00 + + +
(1 new and 2 used and 2 rental) $51.01
Shipping and Handling: $10.47

Lowest Total (All Bookstores) $61.48

Applicable Coupons

http://www.directtextbook.com/multiprices/14243

I don’t remember if I actually clicked on the individual coupon links from the above table.  I may have done so to also compare those coupons to ones available from this helpful site:

https://www.retailmenot.com/coupons/books?c=8441883

By the way, I read about the RetailMeNot.com website from one of the many articles perused to enlighten this year’s textbook search process.  Those articles were found by searching for best or cheap and textbook in various search engines, I believe.  Some of those articles were what inspired the original “Textbook Freneticism” posting, hoping that My Post may assist others, and be a good reference for me/us again, when needed…

Based on our experiences with the Fall Semester, we still began looking at the college campus’ bookstore, Barnes & Noble.  We input my daughter’s class schedule at the campus B & N site to get a listing of required materials for each of her classes.  We discussed them to determine which ones she actually Needed.  I created an electronic document containing all of the info on her schedule, and the course requirements.  This helped to document the baseline data from which we would then work.  We discussed my daughter’s preferences for material style based on her first college semester (hard/soft-cover vs binder style vs electronic, etc.) including whether she would prefer to own an item.  Since my daughter has ADHD her learning style needs were also considered along with the knowledge that she was late in returning some rental books last semester and ended up being penalized financially here.  The formatting choice and B & N price then became our baseline with which to compare all the search results…

Armed with the pared down preferential list, and including the results in the electronic doc we returned to online searching.  This searching was facilitated by the fact that the Fall semester’s Barnes & Noble “low price guarantee” fiasco meant that I already had a substantial list of websites to review…I had hoped to analyze the veracity of the info available on some of the aggregating sites by confirming details at the source site, but I never was able to wade that  far into the weeds.  A relatively cursory view of the sites makes them appear to offer reasonably similar results, at least as far as pricing and vendors go.  Some include potential coupons and some calculate total cost with shipping.  I didn’t notice any overtly stating “free” returns though at least one site took into consideration the “buy back” (by them presumably) discount in their net pricing…

Several sites allowed for keeping multiple items within their system though I don’t believe any of the  others did the same type of overall low-price comparison like DirectTextbook.com did…So this DT site is still my planned Go-To site going forward.

SlugBooks.com shows several options in a table manner and I believe it can line up multiple books visually in its table/column format.  It also has several articles that discuss discount shopping for textbooks that can be helpful (a number of sites have articles, but that’s not the focus here).  Here’s a view of the results choices the columns/table includes:

List Price Amazon AbeBooks ValoreBooks Purchase Chegg ValoreBooks Rental Amazon Rental
You currently have no books on your list. Please search using the bar above!

 

BooksPrice.com keeps multiple searches on internal tabs within its webpage.  This allows for easy flipping between your choices.  It also allows you to choose among formats for textbooks and to exclude particular vendors to narrow the results available to some degree.  Here’s an example of the first three results from a recent search:

Store Name Condition Availability Term Price Shipping Total Price Go to Store
ebay
Exclude / Preferred
Used [+] Available $4.16 Free $ 4.16 Go to
ebay
Thriftbooks.com
Exclude / Preferred
Used [+] In Stock $3.79 $0.99 $ 4.78 Go to
Thriftbooks.com
Abebooks
Exclude / Preferred
Used Available $5.23 Free $ 5.23 Go to
Abebooks

 

CheapestTextbooks.com orders results by price; it also contains internal tabs, but these are for different format options on an individual book.  They do provide a column for coupons and deals and give sufficient info there to make informed choices.  You can  click directly on the choice to be taken to the vendor to complete your purchase, but this is a feature that most of the sites seem to have.  Here is an example of the page’s formatting showing a couple of results:

Used New Rent eBook Sell Back

Best Buying and Renting Options – Total includes shipping

Store  Condition Coupons & Deals  Price Shipping  Total
Barnes & Noble.com
(Marketplace)
Used $2.00
as of 1 second ago
$3.99
Amazon
(Marketplace)
Used $3.98
as of 1 second ago
$3.99

 

DealOz.com lays out many options in columns and highlights certain features in red to draw one’s attention to the best price within a format or other helpful info.  Here’s an example of what a search at this site would return:

Sort by

Price

Condition

Shipping

Coupons

Cash Back

Total

Store

10  Used
Marketplace
+$3.99

Standard: 4-14
Amazon Marketplace
 
Featured
10  New
Marketplace
+$3.99

Standard: 4-14
Amazon Marketplace
 
Featured
10  Used
Marketplace
+$2.64

Standard: 5-14

 

Unfortunately the DealOz.com copy/paste  above doesn’t show how well formatted the page is…check out the actual site to get a better idea of how this site may work for you…

 

BigWords.com calls itself the “uber-marketplace” and does have a wide ranging search capability.  It offers internal pop-up clickable links on the results to give extra helpful info for decision-making.  Here’s an example of their results:

  • TYPE
  • PRICE
  • S/H
  • BUYBACK/DEALS
  • TOTAL
  • Abebooks

    Details

    USED$5.84$2.64

    $0.58

    $7.90

  • Amazon Marketplace

    Details

    USED$3.98$3.99 $7.97

Like the copy/paste previously, this doesn’t accurately reflect the BigWords.com ease of usage…so please visit the site to see its format.

 

I was just visiting the DirectTextbook.com site and couldn’t easily find the Multiple Book Search function.  So please use this below site and change the ISBNs to include the books you want to search for!  It was apparently God’s mercy that I ever found this multiple book search at all!!!!

http://www.directtextbook.com/multiprices/14243

Use the box on the upper left of the page to input the desired books’ ISBNs and then click the “update results” link near the top of the page.  I really hope this works for you as well as it worked for us!  Blessings…

BookFinder4U.com also searches a large marketplace for many options.  It shows the country of origin and user’s ratings of various sellers to assist in your choices.   Another nice feature is that is shows the shipping times on the results page, which can aid in selections when time is of the essence.  Here’s an example of some of their results:

Store Name Book Type Price Shipping [?] Total [?] Availability [?] Tax Store Rating  
usa
<Marketplace>
Used
2.00
USD
3.89
4-14 days
Best Price
5.89
You save 98%
In Stock
usa
<Marketplace>
Used
2.00
USD
3.99
4-14 days
In Stock
usa
<Marketplace>
Used
3.15
USD
3.49
4-14 days
In Stock PA

 

AbeBooks.com was recommended in one of the articles that I read initially.  It also came up in many of the marketplace searches within aggregating websites and seems to have its own marketplace capability.  It has the distinction of also searching “rare books”.  I went there to verify pricing/terms when selecting to purchase from there based on a multi-search from DirectTextbook.com.  I believe the results lined up OK…

ValoreBooks.com was referenced in several of the aggregate search sites and seems to also do some aggregate searching itself.  It chunks the details in just a few columns so it’s not as easy to lose your place visually on the page compared to some sites with many columns, a bonus with attentional challenges in play…

Chegg.com also comes up frequently in aggregate searches.  It was the go-to textbook site for my currently-in-college son for a while (I think he prefers Amazon.com now with an Amazon Prime student membership giving free shipping) …I believe this is also the site that offered a free preview of a textbook which could really help when waiting on a shipment (details in my previous “Freneticism” posting).  I went here to check out prices mentioned on other sites.  It also came up as one of the top 3 least cost vendors when only wanting to purchase from one source in the DirectTextbook.com multisearch I ran…

Here is the free preview from Chegg, which appears to offer viewing, and perhaps testing of etext features…and I encountered no other vendor offering this service!

http://reader.chegg.com/reader/book.php?id=PR_9781305161726&cart-params=Trackid%3D29bcebde%26instacc_cart%3D1%26ii%3D

 

Textbooks.com is another searchable site by ISBN and it also showed up in some of the aggregate site searches…

Half.com was a highly recommended site by one of the articles I read on textbook searching online.  I went to this site because one of the books we wanted was cheapest there.  I set up the purchase but for some reason it was cancelled by the seller.  I had been leery of going through an eBay company, for no rational reason, so that order cancel reinforced my baseless distaste.  I ended up getting the book for twice the half.com cost from another source after running a secondary book search for items that weren’t known before classes started…which meant I ultimately had several items to data crunch in another multi-search at DT…

Bookbyte.com occasionally shows up in aggregate searches.  I believe it was also referenced in one of the articles I read.

BookScouter.com clearly lines up many sellers making it easy to see the price and condition gradients.  It also looks like it recruits books to buy so it may be a good source for getting some money back on unneeded books.

TextbookRentals.com may have been another site recommended by some of the articles that I read.  I went there to verify pricing from an aggregate site, I believe.  It shows clearly and easily the differences in prices and rental times and seems easy to skim through for details.  It has a slot to show buyback offers as well as purchase pricing all on one page for convenience.

ECampus.com was a source of a couple of our rentals, I believe, though we actually got the items through KNetBooks.com.  Perhaps ECampus operates under many names or has subsidiaries?  It seems to have some degree of a marketplace feature but many of the vendors were from one locale…It also has a clear “sell” capability.

BookFinder.com provides a lot of info in a relatively small space with relatively small print, which can be a bit overwhelming from an ADHD perspective.  It does make it pretty easy to compare details and appears to order items based on price.  Here’s an example of what you might see there:

New books: 1 – 25 of 28

 

TextSurf.com shows basically the same vendors as SlugBooks.com.  It is pretty easy to compare these choices it a glance and uses a descent amount of white space in its presentation which may be easier on the eyes and mind for those with attentional issues.  I didn’t do a deeper analysis to see if TextSurf & Slug prices were comparable…It clearly marks selling options on its search page.  It doesn’t obviously include shipping which impacts cost.  Here’s how results might look:

Buying Options
Amazon $3.98
Save $103.42!
AbeBooks $4.31
Save $103.09!
ValoreBooks $4.72
Save $102.68!
Booksrun N/A
Renting Options
Chegg $21.99
Save $85.41!
ValoreBooks N/A
Booksrun N/A
Digital Options
RedShelf $42.67
Ebook rental (180 days) Save $64.73!

 

BookFace.com shows it’s results alphabetically by vendor, at least while searching.  It also has an easy “sell your copy” feature that likely also searches the marketplace for offers…

AffordABook.com has a very easy on the eyes for someone with ADHD results page.  It appears to list just the one best priced item in a category and shows shipping charges but not coupons.  It may be a good starting search page for someone who doesn’t want to be overwhelmed with too much info but other sites offer more details, so may need consultation.  Here’s how the results might look:

Search Results:

Retailer
Price
Shipping
Final Price
Buy/Rent
$3.98
$3.99
$7.97
(lowest price!)
$4.72
$3.95
$8.67
$21.99
$21.99
$25.00
$3.99
$28.99

Well, this shows the INFO but Not the Appearance of that page…hmm

 

TextbookRush.com is another site from which we made a purchase, though I thinks the deal was found through TextbookDirect and verified at Rush.  The site also offers a “get Cash” button that presumably includes selling back textbooks owned, and based on one page it appears that there is free shipping on the books You sell to them…It appears to also do its own marketplace type searches and offers helpful details like book condition and shipping .

Both BarnesAndNoble.com and Amazon.com were necessary searches according to the B & N Campus bookstore “low price guarantee” where the on-campus store would match pricing from either online vendor, but not their marketplace options unless they were “fulfilled by” the actual store…I don’t believe either store ever offered the best price…though there was a .ca (Canada) stored that seemed to have a best price but we could not actually purchase from them to be shipped to our US address–at least as far as I could tell.

This is a link to the B & N Price Match…

https://bnc.pgtb.me/0X3s0B

I wanted to comment on the only rental we got that included the mailer (packaging & shipping label–all for free!) in the shipment of the textbook.  The return label goes to Campus Book Rentals, but looking that up online suggests using  TextbookUnderground.com.  We apparently rented items from both vendors but only CampusBookRentals.com provided the mailing packaging.  The item from TextbookUnderground offered free return shipping via a printed label, but you have to provide the packaging (we reused some items from book shipments to us)…

The CampusBookRentals.com site offers a “search all at once” option, but don’t know how that actually works out so we’ll need to check that out next semester…

This is about all I’ve got currently on this topic…I don’t have any saved searches on CBR &/or TextbookUnderground so cannot easily describe the results.  I’m considering a third installment on this topic to address the selling the books back option as we have a couple to possibly sell & using those ISBNs may allow a mock search on those other sites…and I may see from the original “Freneticism” posting if there were any other sites I used during the process but didn’t end up recapping here to potentially include in the concluding post.  Also, that possible 3rd posting (theoretical currently) may include an order of usage or preference shorthand to become my/our go-to approach going forward in this domain.

Hopefully someone besides myself or my family finds some useful info here.  I hope to Never need to dive so deeply into textbook searching in the future as this was a complex and confusing process.  The first semester’s searches were especially overwhelming in that some had so many choices (new, used rental, hard/soft/binder,electronic, international, older/cheaper editions, etc), each of which had their own price points, it became incredibly tedious to even attempt to find the best overall pricing.  That’s part of what made the DirectTextbook.com multisearch feature such a Literal Godsend!  Having specified desired formats with my daughter (like no instructor’s versions) and narrowing down the choices to only what was actually needed for her classes we could commence a comprehensive multi-search and get the results within minutes.

Being of both a thorough and penny-pinching nature, I still checked most of these items against the actual source website (not just clicking through) and also reviewed vendors’ coupons from several sources to verify the quality of the actual chosen deals.  These extra measures helped me to feel reasonably confidant that we had gotten near to the best deals we could possibly get on the searched items available at that time from a very active marketplace.

Well, best wishes and God’s Best Blessings to you as you endeavor to also be a good steward of the material resources and time bestowed upon you.  Hopefully I haven’t “squandered” my time, but rather heavily “invested” it in this pretty comprehensive searching process so as to facilitate our (and perhaps your) future textbook explorations, acquisitions, and “exportations”.  –Valerie

Commenting on “Caught in the Act of Bad Parenting”

“Now I’m a single mom who feels emotionally and financially tapped out raising a kid with a rare medical condition. Adding to the stress, my child has ADHD and ODD, which can’t be solved with a pill…”

This  quote is from the below posting (check it out)

https://lipstickandplaydates.wordpress.com/2016/09/11/caught-in-the-act-of-bad-parenting/

where a mom bares her heart.  It’s not easy to be this transparent with our struggles, so I really wanted to encourage her.  I’ve personally felt such tremendous isolation so many times in the process of trying to raise a special needs child and that’s while having an intact marriage and supportive husband backing and shoring me up along the way.  Either way I can’t imagine enduring such a challenging journey alone and how incredibly painful and overwhelming that  process likely is.

COMFORT IN SUFFERING? O yes! I hope you will share my joy over this precious scripture and make it one of your favorites too. I know it seems hard to feel like God gives comfort in suffering, but He promises to do so, and I have felt the comfort before, so I know He will give it again.:

The scripture image above comes from this site:

 

I hope (and pray) that the Lord is making Himself tangibly available to her and that she (& all of us bearing the burden of Special Needs Parenting) are experiencing that “Peace that passes understanding” and the “comfort in [our] suffering” that only the Lord provides.

Blessings to All,

Valerie

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Thanks for being so real here. May God give you Grace & Strength…and glimmers of Hope when you most need them. I don’t know if parents without special needs kids will ever really “get” what all of us in the (typically un-chosen by us but Chosen by God) club of Special Needs Parenting have learned, what pretty much goes without saying. There aren’t really enough words to come close to articulating the loss, despair, terror, anger, confusion, frustration, triumphs, hopes, dreams, persevereance, faith, and even Joy in the Midst of Sorrow that seem ubiquitous to our experience.

I have many times found comfort, encouragement, and inspiration in the writings and stories of other special needs families…here’s one place where I have personally found such special sustenance again & again…

http://specialneedsparenting.net/

Please Hang in There–You are NOT Alone! Blessinegs, Valerie Curren

I just realized the date you originally posted this, 9/11–the 15th Anniversary of that tragic turning point of a day. Not everyone outside of NYC has forgotten (some of us Never will!)…my special son in particular is very mindful of the tragedy of that brutal assault of a day. We continue to Remember, Reflect, and Revisit those events so that we can honor the memories of the lost, exalt (and hope to emulate) the heroism of the brave, and continue to pray for Comfort, Peace, and Closure (if that’s even possible) for the bitter, bereaved, and broken…in Christ, Valerie Curren

Image result for 9/11 scripture images

The image above is from this site:

http://www.crosscards.com/cards/patriotic/9-11-memoriam/

 

 

Commenting on “Autism it’s Different in Girls” (& so is ADHD)

looking for images with this post…here’s a great Pinterest site

I recently read an intriguing blog post by someone who has autism but chooses to remain Anonymous…hopefully there will be many other nuggets to mine in her blog as well as the interesting comments sections filled with feedback & unique perspectives.

I had wanted (in my comments below) to go into the girls aspect of Autism and mention how there may be a continuum between Autism and ADHD…I’d read a book a few years back that laid out a good scientific case for this insight.  Later, while doing massive amounts of research for Josiah’s special education needs/case I read a number of things that talked about ADHD and how it presents in females…and in particular how there are some mothers of kids with ADHD (and/or autism?) who were never diagnosed themselves but see so many of their “issues” reflected in their kids struggle…apparently to the point that this is a “thing” that gets some degree of recognition in certain circles.

(ironically, while looking for images found these “circles” supporting my views!)

Autism: Different, Not Less:

(from the above Pinterest board…and almost every item ascribed to my son)

Just a few of the many disorders associated with ADHD. Many have similar symptoms and impairments. Getting the correct diagnosis is further confused by the high morbidity rates associated with ADHD. (View only)                                                                                                                                                      More:

the image above is from this pinterest page

I’ve meant to look back on this topic for my own “edification” but have been mightily depleted by the Special Ed case and fallout that it just hasn’t happened yet.  In our family of 6, 4 have officially been diagnosed with ADHD, & the two that haven’t (myself and Brandon, Josiah’s twin brother) exhibit quite a few of the ADHD traits (but perhaps not enough to rise to the clinical level of diagnosis…but then again who’s actually asking to be “officially” labeled)…so we think we probably both have some part of ADHD, at a minimum.  So if the continuum theory holds water, could it be that people that have ADHD are on the (potentially) mild end of the Autism Spectrum?

It’s so hard to really say and it may in large part depend on who you ask and what their personal practice emphasis (if you only have a hammer then everything looks like a nail and all!) might be…It is supported in research, I believe, that many times the parents of kids on the Spectrum have many of those traits themselves.  Certainly when “we” were growing up awareness of Autism “Spectrum” issues was nowhere near the level it is at now.  Also, if it is shown that there is any level of a genetic component to Autism and/or ADHD it would stand to reason that these things would run in families to some degree.

In my own family, from a retrospective perspective there could be arguments made that both my parents have possessed some traits of ADHD, especially when younger.  At least one of my brothers had many such traits when young and his son was also officially diagnosed with ADHD.  My other brother has a couple of kids that seem to have a lot of such traits too.  My husband wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood, but it surely negatively impacted his academic trajectory when younger, even though he has learned to “compensate” for the ADHD issues as an adult, as have most of our kids.

Most everyone in my present family has some degree of sensory issue and we all possess varying degrees of emotional vulnerability, but thankfully this trait is at least somewhat intermittent in most of us!  Could these also be evidence of the “Spectrum” Continuum?

The author of the Autism in Girls post speculates on how important it is to find out what is going on with you and to get that diagnostic label (paraphrasing without re-reading her actual words…so I could already be distorting inadvertently her view) and therefore enable some degree of an “Autistic Identity”.  This apparently resonates with a lot of her readers, at least those who have posted comments.  It’s possible that she  draws in these more “anonymously autistic” people by the very nature of the type of blog she writes, as in people who are on the Spectrum, but can “fake it” sufficiently for the outside world to not know they are autistic…

It’s hard for me to relate to the “need” to find an identity, like in Autism.  And frankly I really do not “get” that aspect of our current culture that seems to think one has to discover a “role model” to emulate in order to aspire to things that no one “like me” has ever done before.  This will likely be controversial, and even offensive to some (sorry)–but Obama being “President” of the US should not really make it any more of less easy for any other “black” person to be the President…if the job was about the merits of the individual aspiring to the position (and who could argue that this election year!) and not about someone’s “identity”…and if he had actually obtained such a job based on his own merits (which he manifestly did Not do based on his abysmally thin resume)–no “white” man with his background, (lack of) accomplishments, known dangerous associates, and incredibly thin skin would have ever gotten near to the place of getting his finger on “the button”…but I digress…

Anyway, I don’t fully get why so many people feel the need to find such a label and thereby get some type of identity by identifying with a group.  Obviously, for anyone who knows me very well, I have spent much of my life in isolation, going against the flow, and refusing to join into whatever “group” (like Groucho Marx I wouldn’t be a member of any group that would have me!)…so the herd mentality is far from appealing to me personally.

I do, however, take a measure of identity from my personal faith…as in I’ve considered myself a strong Christian for the bulk of my life and that remains my primary identity…but I am much more likely to think of myself as a person (even as an intellect) than as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, neighbor, parishioner, or any other ready label, per se…

I will acknowledge, however, when it come to my son with special needs, Josiah, when he was first given the PDD-NOS (atypical autism) label it lead to huge sighs of relief for myself and my husband.  That was because we were dealing with so many issues back then that Autism at least made a degree of sense and it was able to take a number of his significant behavioral anomalies under its umbrella.  It is also true now that Josiah appears to think of himself as “autistic” and he uses that label, perhaps as a shorthand code, as a blanket explanation for various aspects of his quirkiness, at least that’s how it appears to me (I am in no way pretending to speak For him)…

I have spent so much of my life seemingly on the outside of whatever the group thinks it is or what it does that it’s actually harder for me to acquiesce to the “herd mentality”, even in a church setting where people are looking to foster “unity”.  This may be a holdover of the “rugged individualism” of the traditional American ideal that I do internalize to some degree, my own individual personality & intellectual makeup that always goes into suspect analysis mode whenever everyone around me jumps on some bandwagon (or follows some pied piper toward yet another cliff), or even can be an outgrowth of having lived virtually my entire life “counter culture” (especially now that Constitutionally Conservative Christian is virtually a pariah position in this formerly free land of ours).  Perhaps being an “outsider” is enough of an identity that it’s not necessary for me personally to seek other labeling for myself.

As far as role models go, though, as a Christian the Only real role model would be Jesus Christ…and that represents a role that none of us could ever live up to!

Philippians 3:14King James Version (KJV)

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

King James Version (KJV)Public Domain

above scripture from BibleGateway.com

(image from searching Google images for the scripture…may have been a youtube screen grab..but here is the link for the image…well it wouldn’t paste the link just another image)

So, thanks for listening in…and check out the original post below that my comment following pertains to…and let’s support those amongst us who are learning to speak up and speak out and encourage them to share their hearts with all who might choose to listen and care and handle our human frailties with tenderness and truth…

Blessings,

Valerie

Autism—It’s Different in Girls

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

My perspective on this is a bit different in that I am a Parent of someone on the Spectrum who was diagnosed as “PDD-NOS” (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, aka “atypical autism”) and we got such a “label” for our son when he was still a preschooler. He also had many other issues that were primarily medical in nature and during key points of his life these medical needs really took preeminence (2 open heart surgeries, brain tumor, liver transplant, etc).

Our seemingly biggest challenge overall was in getting the educational system to even pretend to address his Actual Needs. We had years of frustration where they absolutely refused to acknowledge his autism diagnosis (in fact they never officially Did recognize that he was on the Spectrum, though his last Special Ed Case Manager did admit the obviousness of his Autism in private conversations with me). The school system was extremely derelict in its legally mandated duties to my son and we dealt with significant frustrations in this arena for the duration of his public schooling, K-12 (ironically special ed preschool did a Great Job with him, so our frustration was mightily increased by the torments that followed).

One extremely important aspect of special education law (in the US) involves Transition Planning & Services that are required to begin no later than the year the student is to turn 16. These services are to be tailored to the individual needs of the student and should be designed to facilitate their Transition from public school to Independent Living, Post-Secondary Education, and Employment. The ideals of this approach are laid out in detail in US law (IDEA, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act & its later “improvement”), but our experience, and likely that of many others, reveals how far short of the legal mandates/standard things are…let alone compared to what should be “ideal” (as in identifying and addressing All areas of known or suspected disability, regardless of diagnostic “labeling”)…My son was “graduated” from high school not even possessing 3rd grade math skills and his now denied Michigan’s through age 26 special education because he “graduated”. I have a cousin with two autistic sons in Arkansas and her older son also “graduated” but struggled so significantly in college that she got him tested and discovered that his reading was only at grade school level even though he had a “diploma”. I don’t know how much she fought for him educationally but I know to what incredible lengths I went to over the years all to virtually no avail…

My son’s Primary Care Doctor, who has a practice devoted to complex special needs kids & families, including a significant cohort on the Autism Spectrum shared a chilling perspective. She said that the “high-functioning” autistic kids, like my son is now (he’s been significantly lower functioning when younger) are not coming close to having their needs met here in Michigan. If they are high enough functioning to be included in regular academic settings then often their “independent living” or functional “life skills” needs often go unaddressed. Once they get out of high school they discover that “the adult services industry” is woefully inadequately prepared to address so many of their needs. Also, because the many systems are so poorly managed and financially irresponsible and/or overburdened many times kids with significant needs do not come close to getting their needs met at any point…

Given that the “higher functioning” autistic kids are probably the ones most likely to be able to “handle it” to some degree in the regular/normal/neuro-typical world it would certainly seem in society’s best interest to help give them the tools and support necessary to foster their highest level of independence while young and thereby ensure a likely increasing percentage of such kids will grow into (nearly) independent adults. This would mean the possibility of significant resource allocation during the earlier years developmentally but should hopefully result in many more of these kids not needing nearly so much public support as they likely would otherwise had such intervention not have been provided. The arguments for early and intensive intervention for Autistic Spectrum kids have surely now made that perspective widely accepted and hopefully there has been sufficient time for data gathering to bolster this view “scientifically”.

In our family’s case, we spent many years and uncountable mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial capital attempting to get our local school system to DO THEIR LEGALLY MANDATED JOB…and these requests were based on data, diagnoses, and clear evidence of myriad needs (many in keeping with autism spectrum issues)…however the real bottom line was that my son got virtually Only what the school felt like offering whether it directly addressed his needs or not. And since they absolutely refused to acknowledge or address his Autism Spectrum issues (which were known as early as 2000 and had written behavioral pediatrician’s orders) he was significantly negatively impacted by not having received these necessary (and technically IDEA mandated) services.

The cost to our family (we had four kids within four years) was/is truly incalculable. I’m not “blaming” the school for all the issues, but had they done their job there are so many things that would have gone differently. For instance my son required significant therapeutic intervention, especially when he was younger, so we would take him to PT (Physical Therapy), OT (Occupational Therapy), SLT (Speech & Language Therapy), Sensory Integration Therapy, Music Therapy (which I tried for years to get the school to provide to assist in re-mediating his Severe Learning Disability in Math), Art Therapy, Psychological Therapy, Visual Therapy, etc…We spent so much of what should have been family free time shuffling him to and from these visits and when I finally stepped back from it one year due to personal overload and burnout basically watched him deteriorate before my eyes. He should have had year round intensive intervention provided by the school but they absolutely refused to analyze or address his very real needs and declines. I actually ended up dragging all my kids to random Vacation Bible Schools over a few consecutive summers just to try to give my Special Needs Son some degree of educational structure (and all the other kids really came to resent this as they got to attend these nearby VBS’s along with their brother). There were a few years when being out of school got so upsetting for my son that he lost his toileting skills…but they immediately returned when school began. This level of distress did not concern school staff at all but it caused significant suffering for my son…and the rest of us.

Well, this obviously went on Way Longer than I intended it to. I’m so glad you are putting your voice out there and speaking up on behalf of yourself and others who may not choose to speak but whose experiences and perspectives resonate with yours. My son has come such a long way from those virtually non-verbal and overwhelming sensory distress days to having discovered himself and continuing to refine his own unique voice. Although “movie quoting” and verbatim dialogue still punctuate much of his communication he can at least now speak as himself so much more freely now than ever before.

Loving someone with autism and living with someone on the Spectrum can certainly be a challenge (and I won’t minimize the major hardships of our personal journey historically &/or presently) but it also presents a tremendous amount of joy as well. Our “special” son is really the heart of our family in so many ways. He is a constant source of entertainment and his humor is so random that it continues to surprise and amaze us all, which is a huge blessing and counterpoint to the stressors. However he also represents a personal bridge between this world and the Kingdom of God (he is a very strong & outspoken Christian)…he has seen the Face of God while undergoing his Liver Transplant and (similarly to his dad) can have a nearly conversational relationship with the Lord. I really believe that his “autism” facilitates this transparency. Just as he doesn’t know how to put a “mask” on in his human relationships, he is virtually incapable of having a barrier between himself and God. Witnessing his Christian Walk is both humbling & encouraging for those who live with him. If he struggles to talk with us earthlings there is no communication barrier with his Heavenly Father…and that is a gift that no “labeling” nor lack of supports could ever diminish!

Blessings, thanks for all you shared, and thanks for letting me “wax eloquent” too here.

Best Regards, Valerie Curren

PS, I wrote more thoughts on your article at my blog here…I’d love to hear back from you on that, if you might be interested…

https://specialconnections.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/commenting-on-autism-its-different-in-girls-so-is-adhd/

this provocative image could lead us to consider these topics further…hmm; from:

http://theemergencesite.com/AutismSpectrumMenu.html

Image result for autism adhd

Autism Resource Page Example

Since it is still early days after beginning to write this blog, I am looking around the Web for inspiration in the construction of pages, and to some degree their content.  So, I’ve been looking into blogs written by parents of kids with special needs, among other interests and ran into this seemingly helpful page (without having looked beyond its surface).

The below link leads to a page within the blog written by a mom of 2 kids with Autism & ADHD…so you might imagine why her writing could interest me.

Having an eventual goal of sharing resources that have been helpful to me in the different arenas about which I (plan to) write…this example of links and their organizational structure is both inspiring and potentially relevant.

So, if your life is touched by Autism, may I suggest you jump over to this page below and see if any of the info shared there might be an encouragement to you.  Please let me know if this is helpful to you personally…and which links you most appreciated.  Blessings, Valerie

Special Needs Linkies

Being a (Special Needs) Mom

just momThe above image is copied from this article, well worth the read:

I Am “Just” A Special Needs Mom

I have basically been “just a mom” for a long time now…my youngest just turned 18 and my oldest hit 22  near the end of 2015.  However the even bigger adjustment than to life in mommyland came when our twins were born 20 years ago…and one of them had significant and complex special needs.  The disabilities and medical conditions and multifaceted needs really transformed my life from “just” being a “stay-at-home-mom” to a mom of 4 (eventually) and one with significant health and other needs.   I became a “Special Needs Mom” and we became a “Special Needs Family”.  In addition 2 of my other kids, youngest & oldest, and my husband have been “officially” diagnosed with ADHD,  while the other 2 family members have numerous ADHD traits, so our house is always hoppin’!

Over the years the magnitude of the tasks before me and the extreme isolation I’ve experienced (some of which is self-inflicted) have meant that I have become overwhelmed by responsibilities, complex decision-requiring scenarios, my need to “process” things in a safe and responsive space, historical hurts that have impeded my progress or even ability to seek support from others, the sheer volume of conditions impacting our son’s life (as in there doesn’t ever seem to be anyone out there to whom I can really relate), the craziness of the schedule of a 6 person family and attendant duties (sports, academic, therapeutic, & relational support, etc), and having to occasionally address my own needs to try to avoid or overcome burnout.  Being a parent, and a special needs parent in particular, has intruded upon (and sometimes overshadowed) my marriage and other relationships.  It can easily become an all-consuming vocation.

Now that all my kids are adults, in looking back on their childhood years I hope and pray that they can come to a place of forgiveness for me (just as I need to be able to forgive myself), for all the ways that I let them down in numerous arenas of what a mom is “supposed” to be and do.  I’ve thought of my experience in parenting Josiah, in particular, to being akin to the scriptural shepherd leaving the flock (the 99) to go looking for the one lost sheep.  So many times and ways Josiah has strayed from the family flock and has required me to go after him, to find a way to bring him home, and to help him learn how to interact with all the other sheep to some degree.  Where I feel guilty, in part, is for whenever my husband and other kids have basically been amongst the 99 whom I’ve yet again left “alone” to go pursue that (same) one lost sheep.

Here’s a scripture that my husband shared with me years ago, and which gives me comfort:

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

New International Version (NIV)Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=young+gently&qs_version=NIV

The fact that God “gently leads” those with young means that he has patience and understanding for the plight of parents.  We parents are split beyond just addressing our own needs, we have to also care for the needs of our young, and the Lord understands this.  It’s sometimes hard for me to think of the gentleness of the Lord, for some examples of fatherhood lived out before me seem to stray more into arenas of harshness and criticism, so it’s important to take such scripture to heart and at face value, for me.

When we are in Christ’s Kingdom, part of His Flock, then we are those very lambs that He gathers “in his arms and carries…close to His heart”!  He deals with us in tenderness and mercy, love and compassion, gentleness and patience, carrying us when we cannot carry ourselves nor our own burdens.  This is especially true of those of the flock who also have young and those of us tasked with caring for another’s needs, like when our children are very young or when their disabilities and/or fragilities require our involvement more to the degree of  what is typical for a younger, needier, more vulnerable child than chronological age alone might indicate.

Thank you, Lord, that you remember that we are “dust” and that we need You to lead us Gently…especially when we are responsible for our young.  Thank You for placing this simple passage in your Word and giving your Holy Spirit to make it come alive in our lives.  Please continue to lead, guide, and direct my life (and that of my family and you dear readers who share this prayer) and to do so in gentleness, carrying each of us close to Your Heart!  In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen…