Tag Archive | marriage

Father’s Day Wanderings…

Happy Father’s Day, Michael.  I love you!!!  Valerie

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My husband Michael Ellsworth Curren Rocks!

I’m so thankful for the heritage of faith!  My own father has been an incredible example of godly fatherhood for my entire life.  He has found the way to balance faith, fun, and fatherhood…and it’s been passed down to both his sons and his son-in-law, my husband, Michael.  What a tremendous legacy…his children rise up and call him blessed!

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image from a Bing.com image search for “quiver scripture”

My husband has experienced Father God as a literal father to himself, someone who grew up basically fatherless.  Although his parents were married when he was born, their marriage dissolved during his early elementary years and his mom moved him nearly halfway across the country surrounding that divorce.  He only saw his dad a couple more times before he died during my husband’s teen years.  He later had a step-father, who being a strong Christian, lead both Michael and his mother to the Lord!  This man has been gone now for nearly two decades, and was a thousand miles away during my husband’s own developing into a father years.

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Michael is an amazing man of God, who has a near Abrahamic friendship style relationship with his Heavenly Father.  He has overcome the odds of familial alcoholism and serial divorce and lives his life as a testament to the power of Christ to break the chains both within and about us.  There are not enough words to convey the impact of seeing Michael persevere through the crucible years of Special Needs Parenting, and that is still the gift that still keeps on giving, though thankfully not with the same brutality as the early years!  We love our special son, but he has challenged us in many ways–certainly beyond our own abilities to endure apart from God’s grace & strength…

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image from a Bing.com image search for “quiver scripture”

My husband is such a blessing to me and to our four children…and also now to our new daughter-in-law.  I really can’t wait to see where the Lord takes us on this wild ride that is marriage and family life in the (hopefully) many years to come.

Happy Father’s Day 2017

25 Years of Marriage

23 Years of Parenting

1 month of In-Lawing

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Below is a copy/paste from my niece’s Facebook page.  She is quoting a poem my brother Curtis wrote about our dad many years ago.  [Correction per my parents, see Comments below, this is actually a poem that Ashley wrote for my brother Curtis on the occasion of his birthday earlier–my mistake…]  These sentiments are so applicable to my husband, my father, my brothers, and presumably to my sons when they too are blessed with Fatherhood someday…having all had many examples of men doing Fatherhood God’s Way!  Enjoy…
Ashley Farasyn with Dawn Williams Stoddard.

Thank you for the gifts you’ve given me. The gifts of laughter and story-telling and articulation and poetry. Thank you for teaching me math is my friend and for being a rock and a firm foundation to stand on. Thank you for lifting me out of the water when I go under and gasp for air. Thank you for always knowing how to catch me even if I flail in the air and come down the wrong way. Thank you for being a dad who knows how to be right but also knows how to be wrong. Thank you for loving Jesus and bringing generational freedoms to your children and your household. Thank you for all your prayers and healing. Thank you for stepping into soberness so that I could follow. Thank you for speaking life into others and being sometimes the only bright part of someone’s day. I love that your main goal with whoever you come across is to make them see the love of Jesus and also pee their pants. I love how God made you. And I love that He put us together. And since you are not on FB, I will tag your wife because I know you use her phone in equal amounts. And because I can’t help it, I am recycling your birthday poem because it’s all so true. You are one of my favorites. ♡♤¤

“What does it mean,”
“What does it mean?” you say
To have a dad who has fun
and knows how to play?

It means there’s games, and smiles,
and laughing galore
And tears rolling down cheeks
and more, more, more, more!

The more games there are,
the more creative our minds.
You see, dads who have fun
know how to seek, hide, and find!

They like to think out-of-the-box
and do the impossible.
Dads who have fun
are down right unstoppable!

What can’t we do
if we can climb the shelves at the store;
And throw cans of spaghetti sauce
at dinosaurs on the floor?

How about walking through forrests
and crossing tree logs,
To find the buried treasure of pirates
filled with chocolate coins and pogs?

When you have a dad who has fun,
nothing is boring!
So there’s no time whatsoever
for sleeps, yawns, or snorings!

Games abound by the dozen
and so does the fun!
Have you ever turned off the radio
and at the top of your voice, sung?

Have you ever crossed your legs
because you’re laughing so hard you might pee?
I don’t want to say it was me that did it,
but okay, it was me, it was me!

Dads are the best!
(But the fun ones are better.)
Your cheeks and your pants
just might get a tad wetter!

Don’t underestimate
the power of fun!
Laughing is therapy,
I asked a doctor once.

When you laugh,
you gain confidence
which is the opposite of fear.
A dad who shows you to laugh,
shows you he cares.

My dad is funny
and boy, he sure is the man!
He’s my number one sitcom
and I’m his number one fan!

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Posting & Picture from my niece Ashley Stoddard Farasyn’s Facebook page, showing Zachary, daddy Curtis, and Ashley circa 1994

Here are a some special photos from my husband’s Facebook page: 
Family
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Michael & Valerie engaged, December 1991

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that was then, this is now…”It’s not the years, it’s the mileage” as Indiana Jones said…

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sons: Josiah, Brandon, & Nathaniel; husband Michael; & father Bill, circa 2011; at The Shack

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Michael & our daughter Clarissa hunting Michigan’s North Woods, circa 2014

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The pool where it all began…Valerie and Michael met at this pool in their then apartment complex, Sand Dollar, in Tulsa, Oklahoma in May of 1991. Val says that since they had no one in common, God introduced them. Returning to the scene of the crime they documented how things have changed over the ensuing years, Summer 2010.

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Michael and his mom’s artwork; the rest of us will meet her some day when we are all with the Lord…

and in honor of the familial ADHD tendencies…

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Michael’s Facebook caption for this one, “One of the dangers of being distracted by a squirrel!”

Rock!

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Binding Faith Band, the beginning of Michael’s Christian Rock Band Adventures!  Jason-rhythm guitar, Tim-vocals, Greg-lead guitar, Paul-drums, & Michael-bass

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rocking in his basement Man Cave before allowing our son(s) to live there instead…

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Rocking Rocktoberfest with his former band, Harken

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New Band, Lively Pelts: Marty-lead guitar & vocals, Roy-drums, & Michael-bass & backup vocals, at Blessing of the Bikers, Victory Biker Church, June 17, 2017

Faith Walk

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“Went to pick up pizza and got caught up in appreciating my Fathers handy work! Artist God.”

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Michael’s found the narrow way, and wouldn’t you know it’s in the North Woods of Michigan!  I’ve always said that Michigan is God’s Country…

Commenting on “Caught in the Act of Bad Parenting”

“Now I’m a single mom who feels emotionally and financially tapped out raising a kid with a rare medical condition. Adding to the stress, my child has ADHD and ODD, which can’t be solved with a pill…”

This  quote is from the below posting (check it out)

https://lipstickandplaydates.wordpress.com/2016/09/11/caught-in-the-act-of-bad-parenting/

where a mom bares her heart.  It’s not easy to be this transparent with our struggles, so I really wanted to encourage her.  I’ve personally felt such tremendous isolation so many times in the process of trying to raise a special needs child and that’s while having an intact marriage and supportive husband backing and shoring me up along the way.  Either way I can’t imagine enduring such a challenging journey alone and how incredibly painful and overwhelming that  process likely is.

COMFORT IN SUFFERING? O yes! I hope you will share my joy over this precious scripture and make it one of your favorites too. I know it seems hard to feel like God gives comfort in suffering, but He promises to do so, and I have felt the comfort before, so I know He will give it again.:

The scripture image above comes from this site:

 

I hope (and pray) that the Lord is making Himself tangibly available to her and that she (& all of us bearing the burden of Special Needs Parenting) are experiencing that “Peace that passes understanding” and the “comfort in [our] suffering” that only the Lord provides.

Blessings to All,

Valerie

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Thanks for being so real here. May God give you Grace & Strength…and glimmers of Hope when you most need them. I don’t know if parents without special needs kids will ever really “get” what all of us in the (typically un-chosen by us but Chosen by God) club of Special Needs Parenting have learned, what pretty much goes without saying. There aren’t really enough words to come close to articulating the loss, despair, terror, anger, confusion, frustration, triumphs, hopes, dreams, persevereance, faith, and even Joy in the Midst of Sorrow that seem ubiquitous to our experience.

I have many times found comfort, encouragement, and inspiration in the writings and stories of other special needs families…here’s one place where I have personally found such special sustenance again & again…

http://specialneedsparenting.net/

Please Hang in There–You are NOT Alone! Blessinegs, Valerie Curren

I just realized the date you originally posted this, 9/11–the 15th Anniversary of that tragic turning point of a day. Not everyone outside of NYC has forgotten (some of us Never will!)…my special son in particular is very mindful of the tragedy of that brutal assault of a day. We continue to Remember, Reflect, and Revisit those events so that we can honor the memories of the lost, exalt (and hope to emulate) the heroism of the brave, and continue to pray for Comfort, Peace, and Closure (if that’s even possible) for the bitter, bereaved, and broken…in Christ, Valerie Curren

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The image above is from this site:

http://www.crosscards.com/cards/patriotic/9-11-memoriam/

 

 

Being a (Special Needs) Mom

just momThe above image is copied from this article, well worth the read:

I Am “Just” A Special Needs Mom

I have basically been “just a mom” for a long time now…my youngest just turned 18 and my oldest hit 22  near the end of 2015.  However the even bigger adjustment than to life in mommyland came when our twins were born 20 years ago…and one of them had significant and complex special needs.  The disabilities and medical conditions and multifaceted needs really transformed my life from “just” being a “stay-at-home-mom” to a mom of 4 (eventually) and one with significant health and other needs.   I became a “Special Needs Mom” and we became a “Special Needs Family”.  In addition 2 of my other kids, youngest & oldest, and my husband have been “officially” diagnosed with ADHD,  while the other 2 family members have numerous ADHD traits, so our house is always hoppin’!

Over the years the magnitude of the tasks before me and the extreme isolation I’ve experienced (some of which is self-inflicted) have meant that I have become overwhelmed by responsibilities, complex decision-requiring scenarios, my need to “process” things in a safe and responsive space, historical hurts that have impeded my progress or even ability to seek support from others, the sheer volume of conditions impacting our son’s life (as in there doesn’t ever seem to be anyone out there to whom I can really relate), the craziness of the schedule of a 6 person family and attendant duties (sports, academic, therapeutic, & relational support, etc), and having to occasionally address my own needs to try to avoid or overcome burnout.  Being a parent, and a special needs parent in particular, has intruded upon (and sometimes overshadowed) my marriage and other relationships.  It can easily become an all-consuming vocation.

Now that all my kids are adults, in looking back on their childhood years I hope and pray that they can come to a place of forgiveness for me (just as I need to be able to forgive myself), for all the ways that I let them down in numerous arenas of what a mom is “supposed” to be and do.  I’ve thought of my experience in parenting Josiah, in particular, to being akin to the scriptural shepherd leaving the flock (the 99) to go looking for the one lost sheep.  So many times and ways Josiah has strayed from the family flock and has required me to go after him, to find a way to bring him home, and to help him learn how to interact with all the other sheep to some degree.  Where I feel guilty, in part, is for whenever my husband and other kids have basically been amongst the 99 whom I’ve yet again left “alone” to go pursue that (same) one lost sheep.

Here’s a scripture that my husband shared with me years ago, and which gives me comfort:

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

New International Version (NIV)Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=young+gently&qs_version=NIV

The fact that God “gently leads” those with young means that he has patience and understanding for the plight of parents.  We parents are split beyond just addressing our own needs, we have to also care for the needs of our young, and the Lord understands this.  It’s sometimes hard for me to think of the gentleness of the Lord, for some examples of fatherhood lived out before me seem to stray more into arenas of harshness and criticism, so it’s important to take such scripture to heart and at face value, for me.

When we are in Christ’s Kingdom, part of His Flock, then we are those very lambs that He gathers “in his arms and carries…close to His heart”!  He deals with us in tenderness and mercy, love and compassion, gentleness and patience, carrying us when we cannot carry ourselves nor our own burdens.  This is especially true of those of the flock who also have young and those of us tasked with caring for another’s needs, like when our children are very young or when their disabilities and/or fragilities require our involvement more to the degree of  what is typical for a younger, needier, more vulnerable child than chronological age alone might indicate.

Thank you, Lord, that you remember that we are “dust” and that we need You to lead us Gently…especially when we are responsible for our young.  Thank You for placing this simple passage in your Word and giving your Holy Spirit to make it come alive in our lives.  Please continue to lead, guide, and direct my life (and that of my family and you dear readers who share this prayer) and to do so in gentleness, carrying each of us close to Your Heart!  In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen…