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Be Careful What You Ask For!

Someone at another site asked me how I was doing…here’s what I shared:

“I’m sorry you are carrying such a heavy load.

I’m relatively OK.  I’m seemingly “stuck” in some type of quasi-PTSD hopelessness loop over not being able to get any positive traction on my son Josiah’s Special Education case.  I’m still furious about how they broke the law with impunity & how the legal protections for the vulnerable are twisted into butt-coverage for the bureaucrats…it makes one feel so helpless/hopeless.  I did Major work for like a year & a half on Josiah’s Special Education case & when we finally talked with an attorney (after some funding from a family member made such a conversation possible) he basically said “there’s nothing you can do for your son…but I’d really like you to go ahead & be an advocate for other kids”.

I’m not fully ready to concede defeat but am still so burdened by the pain & frustration of it all that it is Very Hard to move forward mentally or emotionally.

My husband wants me to speak with a Counselor but I am skeptical that there is really anyone out there (besides God) who can grasp the magnitude of what we’ve faced historically with our son, it’s ramifications in our lives & for me personally, & I can’t even muster the energy to attempt to contemplate having such (allegedly) therapeutic conversations.

I’m not (obviously) actually very good at “letting things go” & really need the Serenity Prayer conceptually to help with this process.  I hate to “give up” but I also hate to see the “system” escape unscathed & have Zero Accountability.  It’s also still too bitter & unapproachable to try to advocate for other people’s kids (even if I could muster the energy or find the appropriate avenue to do so) when there is still so much that needs attention in my own son’s life.

These are like those “first world problems” that lefties mock people for.  Not the basics of food, clothing, or shelter but more the apex of that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Pyramids proverbial “Self-Actualization” BS arena, I think.

Sometimes I think I’m just too scarred from all the battles to even begin to know how to live in “regular” society.  I’m in pseudo-hibernation/cocooning in hope that (eventually) winter will end (my fat stores will melt off!) & I’ll emerge a beautiful butterfly with sufficient energy to pump those superfluous abdominal fluids into those nascent but hopefully beautifully majestic wings & somehow manage to soar above before my brief sojourn planet-side is over!

OK, so it’s very late & I’m expressing my self in verbose flights of fancy…Thanks for asking how I am…I hope you don’t mind my ridiculous reply!

If I may quote you here “I am an emotional basketcase and the pain is brutal and that’s the upside of my grief right now.”  I really do relate…”

Our conversation can be found here:

Prayer Requests – 9

Image result for butterfly scripture

from a Bing.com image search for “butterfly scripture”

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Change–Blast From the Past

This song just keeps popping in my head…check out the YouTube site for detailed info on the song & musicians if you’re interested here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJMUugMQeIg&list=PL8Z7cWD-PWoDhiXoOJx3ypcSSW90YLyNO&index=7  

I couldn’t even remember the artists who did this song so looked up some of the lyrics online to find it was done by “The Archers“, a Christian group from “back in the day”.  I found this album, Fresh Surrender, at another family’s house, I was there babysitting their kids, & used to play it sometimes on their record player after the kids went to bed.  At that time I remember thinking that those parents were pretty cool to have some (seemingly) Christian Rock Music choices in their home.

This family has stayed pretty closely connected to my family over the years.  The parents & my parents have been part of a local “Prayer Group” of Christian couples that has been meeting regularly since the 1970s.  Several members of this Prayer Group have since gone on to their reward & the Prayer Warriors are now more likely to meet separately as a Men’s Group & a Women’s Group than their former Couples-focused Prayer Group.

Many of these Prayer Group Prayer Warriors have been an integral part of Prayer Support for my family over the years.  Jon & Judy, whose kids I was babysitting, were also heavily involved in praying for my son, Josiah, & our family during his Liver Transplant process over the years…What a Blessing!

It’s funny how a song from decades past can pop into your head & grab hold of you.  Here are the lyrics, from another site: http://greatgreatjoy.com/2014/11/19/change/

Change
Don’t come easy sometimes
I’m a stubborn girl
I just want to be alone
Sometimes

Maybe You’ve been showin’ me
Just how nowhere
My own will has been
As far as You’re concerned
And You really love me

Lord I need Your love, I need Your care

And I welcome Your change
Like I welcome the rain
After nothing’s grown in a long, long time

Sometimes
Any change is better
Than staying where you are
When you’ve been there too long
Already

All the changes you’ve been bringin’
Only seem to heal me deep inside
And I don’t wanna be alone
Without You

Lord I need Your love, I need Your care
I find my rest in knowing that You’re there

And I welcome Your change
Like I welcome the rain
After nothing’s grown in a long, long time

Ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah

And I welcome Your change
Like I welcome the rain after a long, long time
Been a long, long time

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la

I’m so thankful for the ongoing fellowship of faith that is available to all of us.  The Lord is permeating the world around us & is calling to us always, if only we have eyes to see & ears to hear, we can connect on a deeply personal level with the Eternal God.  In encountering this song again the line “Only seem to heal me deep inside” is the one bringing those misty eyes.  I’m so thankful for the tender loving touch of the Master’s Hand!  Thank you, Lord, for showing forth Your Love & Grace to me, to us all, always.

Blessings,

Valerie

Image result for bible healing

from a Bing.com image search for Bible healing

If you are interested in learning about our experiences with Josiah’s Liver Transplant, I’ve “encapsulated” some of that journey here:

https://specialconnections.wordpress.com/2017/07/30/four-years-ago-today-a-transplant-tale/

I’ve also archived our journey (including messages, like those from Jon & Judy mentioned above), as recorded in my CarePages blog, JournalingForTheJazzman here:

https://jazzmanjournal.wordpress.com/about/

I’m still developing the JazzmanJournal site so it’s easiest to navigate from the About page currently, or to do a search.

If you might be interested in following along further on the journey with Josiah here is where I’m continuing to blog about his medical situation & prayer requests & happenings with him & the family, since CarePages is ending.  God Bless YOU!

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/josiahcurren

Family History Center Fun

While on a recent trip Up North, in Gaylord, Michigan I was privileged to get some Genealogy Time in at the local Family History Center and got to play around with a fun website (see below).  You can find a “local” Family History Center here and get free & friendly help with your own genealogical “games”:

https://familysearch.org/locations/centerlocator

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During my Gaylord FHC endeavor the lovely lady currently running this FHC introduced me to a very fun little free tool, that anyone can actually access.  This is actually RelativeFinder.org and is hosted by BYU (Brigham Young University), I believe.  Although this tool has been available for at least a year (see the below article for details) this is the first I’d ever heard of it…and it was actually quite fun to play with.

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FamilySearch.org is a great Genealogical Website, it offers many free genealogy services and gives you the ability to create a family tree online, and to access many available records and link them to your family tree.  If you have a family tree at FamilySearch.org then you can sign in to the RelativeFinder tool using your FamilySearch log-in info & find relatives via your existing tree.  If you don’t have a family tree (or you want to search for relatives for a specific person in your tree) you can go to family trees in family search and see if you can locate a known ancestor of yours in someone else’s tree.  If you find the correct person you can copy their unique identifying number & paste it into the “masquerade” function of RelativeFinder here:

https://relativefinder.org/#/masquerade

Image result for Masquerade Love

I honestly don’t know if you can use RelativeFinder.org without a FamilySearch login, but you can “join” FamilySearch for free and then see what happens.  The masquerade link above explains where the identifying number can be found in a FamilySearch family tree…so hopefully anyone can have fun with this with just a bit of effort.  Obviously the further back in time you can take your personal family tree the greater the likelihood of finding “cousin” matches with this fun website…

Blessed is the family who delights in the Word of the Lord and meditates on it day and night.  The family will be like a tree planted by streams of water, yielding fruit in its season.  Psalm 1

I plan to use some of the RelativeFinder results to pique the interest of other family members who are less enthusiastic about Genealogy than I am.  Since there are a number of intriguing categories available you are likely to find some sub-set of (available) humanity to pique your own interest…and you never know, you just might get bitten by that pesky genealogy bug & join this legion of enthusiastic “infectees”…but be warned, once bitten there is no proven or lasting cure!

Quotes and Sayings About Family | FAMILY Be thankful Always Forgive Share Respect one Another...

 

https://familysearch.org/blog/en/relative-finder-big-family-cousins/

Well I’m going to have to get back to this posting with an Edit after I can get to a computer with less pop-up blocking so that I can post a couple of examples to potentially whet your appetite…for instance, my husband is a First Cousin to William Shakespeare, though many generations removed!

Happy Hunting!

Image result for family history center

PS all images are from various Bing.com image searches

Feelings

This a beautiful post that seems to encapsulate some aspects of the autism experience from within. I’m so thankful that some people will choose to open up & share their unique insights from their personal perspective. I hope to get my autistic son to read the original post some time & see if he actually relates to this description of emotional/sensory overload.

Image result for feelings scripture

from a Bing.com image search for “feelings scripture”

Here’s what I shared with the author:

valeriecurren
Beautifully & eloquently stated. This helps me understand my autistic son just a little bit better. Thank you for sharing this!

Image result for feelings scripture

from a Bing.com image search for “feelings scripture”

Image result for feelings scripture

from a Bing.com image search for “feelings scripture”

Please read the original post, I will revisit it too, which is why it’s posted to my blog, for it is precious & in her own words!  Blessings, Valerie

autismthoughts

I think I feel too much. That is what autism is most like for me. Autism is feeling everything acutely all the time. I literally feel everything. I feel every object in a room. I feel sounds and smells and tastes. I feel words. I feel emotions. I can’t say I feel differently than you because I don’t know exactly how you feel. I have never been you. But I can say that I feel everything physically. And it is exhausting…

I was telling a friend today that I think I love too much. Love for me is overwhelming. It makes my whole body tingle. Love is a burst of energy that penetrates every fiber of my being. It feels like it literally changes my DNA so that I am now connected to a person in a way that they are made a part of me. I love hugs because it…

View original post 398 more words

Love Poem, from My Husband!

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Bing.com image search for “love about you”

What  I Love About You

 

I love the way you think,  I love the way you smile,

I love the way you walk through life, In and out of trials

 

I love the way you laugh , at my silly little jokes

I love it when you tell a tale, and entertain the folks

 

I love it when you appreciate, the handy work of God

But also seeing clearly through… the political facades

 

I love how you zero in, on the important things in life

Trying hard to stir up dust, but avoid annoying strife

 

Most of all I just love, the person that you are

Knowing full that one day, you will light up like a star

 

For the Father made you well, no matter what “they say”

For in-Christ you have His love (and mine) ..that will never fade away.

 

I love you Valerie Curren,   …your husband          Michael   06/28/17

 

My husband just spontaneously wrote this for me today.  What a Blessing!

Image result for finds a wife finds favor

Bing.com image search for “finds a wife finds favor”

Father God

Image may contain: text

copied from the Lively Pelts Band Facebook page

Just Because…I love this sentiment…& these scriptures!  Blessings, Valerie

Image result for father god scriptures

from a Bing.com image search for Father God scriptures

from a Bing.com image search for Father God scriptures

from a Bing.com image search for Father God scriptures

from a Bing.com image search for Father God scriptures

Celebrating the Life of The Legal Genealogist’s Nephew Tim

from the posting below “That’s Tim there in this family photo from a reunion in 2002. The one on the left, in the wheelchair.”

http://www.legalgenealogist.com/2017/06/24/saying-goodbye-2/

I was just moved to tears by this family’s loss and the beautiful tribute this Aunt wrote about her nephew Tim.  She shared some of the things that made Tim unique & special…and none of them was about Special Needs!  May we all be remembered thusly by those we eventually leave behind, clinging to treasured memories & love…

Please lift up this family in prayer as they lay Tim to rest…may they all find comfort.

Blessings,

Valerie

Please visit the original post above to read about Tim as his Aunt has shared some of his legacy with us all…“We saw the shining spirit that was Tim.”

Image result for sorrow not as those who have no hope

from a bing.com image search for “sorrow not as those who have no hope”

Image result for sorrow not as those who have no hope

from a bing.com image search for “sorrow not as those who have no hope”

I shared this with The Legal Genealogist:

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Thank you so much for sharing this tribute to your nephew. So sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful way to honor who he was. I have a special needs son who sometimes is only seen as Autistic…but, as you’ve so lovingly shown about Tim, is so much more than a label…or a chair.

May the Lord bless you and your extended family as you celebrate Tim’s life, mourn his loss, and share his legacy.

Blessings, Valerie Curren

PS I shared your post with my readers here:
https://specialconnections.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/celebrating-the-life-of-the-legal-genealogists-nephew-tim/