Tag Archive | heart surgery baby

Sharing from 2015, Prayers For Conner

Source: Prayers For Conner

This is an older post but tells of some of the details of a young family experiencing their baby’s heart surgery.  The minutia are different from our experience, yet in many ways the story is the same.  I’m so thankful that other writers share from their hearts their experiences and their perspective.  This “Prayers” posting was written by Conner’s grandmother–and what a loving, godly heart she exhibits…

ConnerJune20174

 

“Added note. To all who were here with us when my grandson Conner had his heart surgery almost two years ago now, who have asked so frequently how he’s doing, I added his picture. Yep, he’s one of the next generation of fearless daredevil boys in the family. His favorite thing is climbing and jumping, which he’s in the process of doing here. Thank you all for remembering him.” 

This update on Connor, and his picture, is from his Grandma’s recent posting (that is also well worth the read) here:

Thank You God, For Men. Real Men.

Image result for heal your heart scripture

Image is from a Bing.com image search for “heal your heart scripture”

It is a blessing to me, and hopefully to you as well, to be reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness in delivering other people out of their challenging circumstances.  I know nothing of this family beyond the two posts referenced here…but I know the Joy of seeing a heart surgery child running, climbing, and in general just being a boy!!!

Blessings,

Valerie

 

Image result for heal your heart scripture

Image is from a Bing.com image search for “heal your heart scripture”

Update June 23, 2017

Please check this post at my son’s new blog for further info about Conner & his family in the Comments Section.  Thanks!

https://josiahsfreakshow.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/josiahs-first-post/

Here are those comments from Josiah’s site, as of 11-1-18…

20 thoughts on “Josiah’s First Post”

  1. Menagerie

    I’m looking forward to hearing more of your story Josiah. My four year old grandson has recently been diagnosed as autistic. He has been in speech therapy for several years and also has occupational and physical therapy. Next year he will attend pre school at a school for special needs children.

    Great job on your first post. Blogging can be a very rewarding outlet, and for some who work very hard at it, even an occupation.

    I wish you great success in your endeavors.

    Liked by you and 2 other people

    1. The Autism diagnosis can lead to quite a wild ride. We are quite familiar with the Therapies, Speech, PT, & OT, ones he still should be receiving. Josiah used to also receive a form of OT called “Sensory Integration Therapy” that helped with many of his sensory issues.

      Depending on the severity of your grandson’s needs there are quite intensive therapies (like ABA–Applied Behavioral Analysis) available that are theoretically Required to be provided by Special Education. I believe the Pre-School portion of IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) is called “Part C”. If your family hasn’t yet geared up for special needs advocacy I would strongly encourage you to arm yourselves for “battle” here. Of course my perspective is colored by years of illegal abuses of special ed law from our local school system…

      Here is a source of helpful advocacy info, a jumping off point, depending on how deep you want to engage the rabbit hole here:

      http://wrightslaw.com/

      http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/autism.index.htm

      http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/ei.index.htm

      Supports & Services vary widely by state. Where we live in Michigan there is an organization called Community Mental Health…Josiah used to receive the above therapies through them because of Developmental Disabilities (and still could if we could work out insurance issues). They also were involved in The Early On Program (then birth to age 5) and still provide Case Management services and Respite Care for our Family.

      It’s really important to get good/great information about Autism (from my perspective) and EARLY INTERVENTION IS CRUCIAL. We didn’t get Josiah’s Autism diagnosis early and dealt with a school system in complete denial of his spectrum issues so we have a lot of baggage in this arena. Anyway, having Great Professionals on board is vital, like Behavioral Pediatricians.

      Here’s some general overview of some necessary autism-related disciplines:
      Behavioralist/Behavioral Pediatrician
      Autism Waiver Program Center
      Neuro-Psychologist (Neuro-Psych Testing is Crucial too–way beyond scope of school testing)
      Communication Disorders Center (we never went due to funding/insurance probs)
      Specialty Learning Centers (ditto above note)
      Respite Care, in home & center based
      Therapies (PT, OT, Speech, Sensory Integration, Music, Art, Group, etc)
      Sensory Diet
      Social Work
      Counseling
      Psychology
      Medication Management
      Dietary issues (we never went this route, but some people swear by it)
      Tutoring
      Sib-Shops (a siblings of special needs program, normalizes experiences for families)

      We are blessed to have a local physician who is a strong Christian and has her entire practice dedicated to managing complex special needs children & their families. They try to provide a “Medical Home” there and are quite involved in medical, therapeutic, educational, & social interventions…perhaps there’s someone similar in your/their area?

      Well there is A Lot of info out there. It’s probably best to get connected to people going through similar experiences relatively close to home (something I never did). It’s also key to get some degree of Prayer Covering depending on what battles/issues you might face.

      May the Lord equip, encourage, empower, and establish you and your extended family as you enter into the fray in a completely different way. Autism is a universe unto itself, each child being incredibly unique and yet “fearfully & wonderfully made”. Enjoy the Journey…You are all Blessed Beyond Measure and now members of the exclusive & exhausting club of Families Impacted by Autism…

      May the Lord give Grace, Peace, & Joy to you and yours,

      Valerie

      I could give you the actual names & disciplines of people involved in Josiah’s Autism care (in MIchigan and often affiliated with the University of Michigan Hospital) so that your family could get referrals from their departments to high caliber people in your area, if you’d like. Please email me directly at
      ValerieCurren@sbcglobal.net
      if you’d like that type of detailed info.

      Liked by you and 1 other person

  2. Menagerie

    Conner is fine and healthy now, and he runs us ragged trying to keep up with him. Although it was a very scary experience for our family, and it is never a minor thing to have open heart surgery, we were.very fortunate that Conner’s problem was one that was easily repaired in one surgery. He had holes in the upper and lower chambers of his heart. One would have grown closed by itself eventually, but the other was too large, and the holes from one side to the other didn’t line up, so they had to do surgery.

    The doctors said Conner is now fine, and should have no further problems with his heart. He goes to see a cardiologist once a year to get checked out.

    Thanks for asking about him. There is a picture of him on the post your mother shared on her blog.

    Liked by you and 2 other people

    1. Sounds like Conner had a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect) & an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect)…like Josiah did, among other things…right? Josiah’s first heart surgery at 2 months & 4 pounds was that VSD repair with a Gortex patch. Later when Josiah was 4 1/2 he had another open heart surgery with a “Sub-Aortic Stenosis Resection with Myomectomy”–basically they removed a hardening of the tissue and a small amount of heart muscle just below his malformed aortic valve. He has a Tri-Cuspid rather than the normal Bi-Cuspid Aortic Valve.

      His Aortic Valve is still being monitored as well as the Aortic Root/Arch which is somewhat dilated so will likely involve another Open Heart Surgery…eventually.

      Will Conner also have to be monitored by Pediatric Cardiology for the remainder of his life? If so, how frequent are the visits? Josiah’s never been less frequent than every 2 years…and when things were fairly dicey we were seeing Peds Cardiology every 3 months…

      Thanks for reading Josiah’s blog & communicating with him! This means so much to both of us!

      Blessings,

      Valerie, Josiah’s mom

      Liked by you and 3 other people

      1. Menagerie

        Conner sees the cardiologist once a year, in Chattanooga. The Vanderbilt doctors said there was no need for him to come back there unless something very unexpected happens. If I remember correctly, they are going to see Conner yearly at least until he is school age, and they may change that then.

        Liked by you and 2 other people

        1. Well hopefully things continue to improve in the Heart arena for your family. Since we were told Josiah would Always be followed by a Pediatric Cardiologist I guess I assumed that was a typical Heart Baby scenario. Maybe that depends on the nature of the Congenital Defects…some repairs are lifelong. Great that they can see doctors (presumably) closer to home…One of the reasons we moved to Metro Detroit from Northern Michigan was to be nearer to Josiah’s Specialty Care at U of M…

          Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Sharing from 2015, Prayers For Conner | Special Connections
  4. Hi Josiah! I am a friend of Menagerie’s who also blogs at the Tree House. I grew up with a younger brother who was diagnosed with autism way back in 1956. Boy….things were a lot different back in those days as far as diagnosis and treatment. I am just amazed and delighted to hear about all the opportunities that are being offered today.

    I look forward to reading more and learning more about you.😀 (Yeah…I’m one of those people that like to use the happy faces.)

    Liked by you and 1 other person

      1. Hi Valerie! The happy faces are easy-peasy.
        1. Go to the Dashboard on your WordPress Administration page.
        2. Scroll down to “Settings”….it’s the second option from the bottom.
        3. Select “Settings”, then click on the second item, “Writing”.
        5. On the top of the page you’ll see “Formatting”…..click on the first box that says, “Convert emoticons like 🙂and 😛 to graphics on display.” This will allow you and your readers to type in the semicolon, dash, and right parenthesis that makes up the basic smilie.

        As for my perspectives on Autism, I don’t know how much I can contribute that would be of use. I’m thinking what I do have to say would probably be more appropriately said on your main blog. I’ll pop over in the morning.

        Liked by you and 1 other person

        1. I never did find “formatting” under item 4/5 from your instructions…so didn’t quite get to the emoticons option. Perhaps they’re not available when one is only using the “free” wordpress service? I do appreciate the suggestions here though…

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Josiah! I’m a friend of Ad rem and Menagerie. Will be interesting to follow your blog. I have two grandsons – one in high school and another in middle school in Illinois. I live in Michigan too.

    My older grandson had a malformation of the skull when he was a baby, but it fortunately didn’t require any intervention other than braces on his teeth a couple of years ago. Somehow, everything worked itself out as he grew.

    What is your favorite thing to do?

    Liked by you and 1 other person

    1. Hi Stella, this is Josiah’s mom, Valerie. Josiah has a Great-Aunt, my dad’s sister, in Illinois. She lives in the Chicago area, Naperville and usually comes to Michigan to see our family at my parents’ Cottage in Gaylord. We hope to see Aunt Pat near the 4th of July…hopefully she’ll get to watch the annual fireworks over Otsego Lake with us but we’ll see since this trip she’s staying with her late husband’s family a few miles from the Cottage.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. My family lives in Oak Park, IL. My daughter and SIL both grew up in the Detroit area, and I lived in Illinois myself for about ten years (my daughter was born there).

        We normally spend July 4 at St. Helen, not too far from you, at my SIL’s family’s cottage, although I won’t be there this year. My older GS’s birthday is July 3, and we always have his birthday party in St. Helen, but he is in Japan on an exchange program for six weeks.

        Liked by you and 1 other person

        1. Blessings on you & yours as you celebrate Independence Day perhaps further afield. I was out of the county for the 4th in the late ’80s on a Missions Trip in Liberia, West Africa and it was extremely strange to not be in America with celebrating Americans for that patriotic holiday. It does make you realize how we blessed we are in this country though…

          Liked by 2 people

Special Needs & Church

I just read the post at the below site about the challenges one family faced surrounding church attendance…that seemed to be generated, in particular, by one church staff person being inflexible and unaccepting of their child’s unique quirkiness…

http://supportforspecialneeds.com/2016/02/10/when-church-special-needs-do-no-mix/  “…we were so tired of fighting for the kids that our hearts weren’t in it to fight for this place; a place we should feel welcome no matter what. It’s exhausting fighting educationally, medically, mentally and socially and top that …We just couldn’t fight to stay in church. It shouldn’t have been, nor should it be that hard. As their parent, I take full responsibility for giving up that fight. I just couldn’t do it.”

I agree with the exhaustion statement above .  Families facing complex special needs scenarios can be overwhelmed and even burned out because of the day-in and day-out battles they face on multiple fronts.  Church should (theoretically) be a place where we can go and be accepted “warts and all” and where our children can be especially embraced in spite of, or even because of, their differences.

But, oftentimes church can be a battleground.  There are a couple of posts at SpecialNeedsParenting.net that outline a pretty ideal scenario of love and acceptance of a very unique autistic young man in a church.  Please see this story at these two links:  http://specialneedsparenting.net/autism-church/  http://specialneedsparenting.net/autism-church-its-a-good-thing-part-ii/

Our family’s experience has been a bit more uneven than this.  When our son with special needs was born we lived in Northern Michigan, about 3 1/2 hours North of the birth hospital.  At that time I was staying with my parents in Metro Detroit with our just 2 year old son after having seen a high risk pregnancy doctor and being told of my twin pregnancy “we’ve got to get the little guy out before he dies” on a Friday, and being scheduled for a premature delivery on the Monday following.  Both twins were needing to stay in the NICU before coming home.  The basically “normal” baby (Brandon) came “home” (to my parents’ home) after 10 days in the NICU, but Josiah remained there for about 2 months before being transferred to the University of Michigan Hospital for Open Heart surgery.

My husband and I had been quite involved in our Northern Michigan church before becoming parents.  We had been the youth leaders/pastors for a period of time and also both very active in the worship ministry.  When it became known that Josiah would be having heart surgery both pastors traveled South to visit with him (and me) in his birth hospital.  It was a fairly awkward visit as the senior pastor was visibly uncomfortable in the presence of this very small (about 4 pounds then, having been 2# 6oz at birth, a condition called IUGR–Intra-Uterine Growth Retardation, very small for gestational age) and sickly premature infant.  They did ask how they could help our family and offered to stay with us at U of M during Josiah’s upcoming heart surgery, but I did not feel “safe” in their presence so declined this “service”.  I suggested that they could have some families in the church either provide meals for my husband, or invite him over for a meal as he was living alone (in order to work) and coming downstate to be with his family each weekend.  This resulted in one dinner invitation for my husband during that extended time of extreme stress and isolation.

Years later we ended up discussing that early time and how uncomfortable we were with how the senior pastor, in particular, handled us and our situation.  There was something about things that never really sat right, though it was hard to pinpoint.  Our friends had also been attending our church during that time and were quite close with my husband in particular (he and our oldest son had both participated in their wedding).  They provided some needed perspective about how our “heart surgery baby” was being handled by our then pastor at that time.  According to them he would brag about the small sick baby from his congregation, kind of like a feather in his cap about how he/the church were doing so much to “meet our needs”.  Apart from that hospital visit (which was a significant drive and Not requested by us) and that one meal for my husband there was nothing done for us by our church…including during multiple surgeries and intensive home interventions from government program workers for about the next two years before we left the area.  I forgot, the Senior Pastor did visit me and the boys in our home at one point, I’m not sure when, and asked what I needed.  When I said that I could really use a friend he exclaimed (in seeming outrage) “I can’t get you friends!”, which wasn’t what I was actually saying.  Needless to say, talking to pastors about “issues” has never been very high on my priority list (and perhaps I’m too picky in this arena given my background in Christian Counseling)…

In the early days after the twins’ birth, when we were finally all back in our own home I heard a very moving story on the local Christian Radio Station.  There was a family that had given birth to a very medically fragile child and they had been surrounded by love and support from their natural and local church family.  This involvement rose to the level of round the clock shifts to provide extra assistance during the early weeks, and perhaps even months, of intensive neediness.  What was portrayed seemed so ideal and so far apart from our own experience that I was very saddened at that time by how unsupported we ended up feeling from our local church family (our natural family being hundreds of miles away and helping us with housing/babysitting during medically based visits).

Because of our son’s complex medical needs, which were all being treated and followed at U of M, a good 3 hours South of our then home, we began to explore the possibility of moving closer to this needed ongoing medical care.  Ultimately my husband went through a job change that allowed him to work downstate and live in my parents’ home for about a year, commuting to our home for the weekends, while I stayed North with our three sons so that we could sell our home ourselves (For Sale By Owner).  The boys and I would head South with their dad for any weeks where Josiah had medical appointments and return home the following weekend.  This situation was extremely stressful for all involved and for the most part we had no support from our local church.  I lived in extreme isolation during the weekdays, rarely leaving the house because of Josiah’s fragility and risk of infection, etc.  In fact I was shocked to find out that the woman I considered my closest friend from that church had been attending a weekly bible study a few houses from my own, but she had never stopped in to see me or the kids nor to check on why we attended church so sporadically, if at all.  That lack of attendance was due to the fact that Josiah contracted life-threatening RSV (Respiratory Synsichial Virus) and required lengthy hospitalizations for it twice in the first year of life–basically taking him out in public was risking his life.

When we finally accomplished moving the entire family downstate and got situated in our “new” home, we began searching for another church home.  As the twins were now toddlers (2), our oldest son 4, and our daughter an infant this was an extremely challenging process.  If we found a church that had sufficient nursery capacity they rarely, if ever, were able to handle the magnitude of Josiah’s behavioral or emotional needs for the duration of a worship service and either I or my husband would need to intervene with him, sometimes multiple times in one service (this was before we knew about “autism”, but even after such a diagnosis we had minimal autism treatment so it was more just an “ah ha” explanation for us about what was going on with him).  This really meant very sporadic church attendance overall as it was very difficult to “get anything” out of a service being so distracted by Josiah’s needs.  The magnitude of those needs was also a major reason why we sought the support and sustenance of a local church “family”, as a way to cope with the massive pressures of the special needs family’s life.

It was a number of years before we began attending our present church and we ultimately went there because it had a bit of a “comfortable old shoe” component to its ambiance for us.  During Clarissa’s infancy I had attended a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) program at that particular church and felt that it had a pretty welcoming atmosphere.  Because of that positive MOPS experience, and because the church was pretty local and seemed relatively welcoming we eventually began attending more and more frequently.

Since our children were then mostly in their elementary years we were no longer battling the nursery situation.  Also, this church has a fairly limited “Sunday School” type programming, so we often just kept Josiah with us during the service in order to minimize some of the upheaval.  Josiah has always had a true worshiper’s heart for the Lord!  This means that either in church or during times of spiritual meaningfulness (family devotions and/or communion, etc.) he was more attentive and/or more behaviorally appropriate than he might otherwise typically have been.  That meant that at least sometimes he was appropriate to attend the kid’s programming, and having him included in some musical kids productions was a definite blessing.

Even though our current church home is relatively “special” friendly there are still glaring times of insensitivity that can be on display.  A couple years back our daughter was nearly moved to tears while at a youth event when she observed how her special brother was not at all appropriately included in a physical activity.  His processing challenges and  poor coordination meant that he was rather bowled over and disregarded during a sporting event.  Clarissa was very sad that the attending leaders were either unaware or unconcerned about how Josiah (and his sister) was being hurt by not being appropriately accommodated.  It would be great if either of them would have been assertive enough to speak up and seek help during such difficult experiences, but that is unlikely to happen.  That means that people in leadership need to develop increased observational skills and sensitivity and perhaps creativity in how they reach out to people and families that are “different” and who may need extra help, patience, or understanding…

Being able to reach out and embrace kids/adults with special needs and their families really should become a primary mission of virtually any local church.  The uniqueness of the needs represented would mean that staff and parishioners would need to be especially sensitive to where a given family was in multiple domains.  There could be great opportunities to reach out in service to such families who often face more than their “fair share” of crises and upheavals.  Having a ministry targeting special needs families could mean a much more vibrant style of community outreach and Christian witness.  The love and compassion, gentleness and patience, joy and peace, kindness and self-control that Should accompany the Christian life would be the ideal characteristics for people reaching out to special families to possess.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the Lord would lay such a burden on the hearts of so many in ministry?

Until such a time as that ideal scenario presents itself, those of us who know the Lord need to allow Him to move in and through us in developing eyes, ears, and hearts of compassion toward one another…and especially to people and families that are often broken and hurting.  And if you come from a special needs family it is almost certain that you bear burdens and wounds and need the love and tender mercy of the Lord poured out into your life.  The author referenced at the beginning of this post took a long hiatus from church and didn’t really raise her kids much in the faith.  Although she herself is attempting a return to church now, it is unclear what spiritual relationship her kids have–and those losses are at least partially attributable to an incredibly insensitive church leader who by her demeanor may have inflicted permanent damage on a vulnerable family…How Tragic!

May the Lord give His wisdom to His people that they/we as individuals and as local church bodies may open their/our eyes to the many needs around them/us represented by special needs families.  May they/we choose to see and to give of themselves/ourselves in time, prayer, emotional support, or tangible means of assistance and so reach out to so many of the vulnerable, lonely, hurting, and fragile within our communities.  Consider the Randy Stonehill song () below which beautifully portrays the need for each of us to be Christ’s hands and feet to a hurting world…Blessings to All, Valerie

RANDY STONEHILL
Who Will Save The Children Lyrics

Cry for all the innocent ones
Born into a world that’s lost its heart
For those who never learn to dream
Because their hope is crushed before it can start
And we shake our fists at the air
And say “If God is love, how can this be fair?”

But we are his hands, we are his voice
We are the ones who must make the choice
And if it isn’t now, tell me when?
If it isn’t you, then tell me who
Will save the children?
Who will save the children?

We count our blessings one by one
Yet we have forgotten how to give
It seems that we don’t want to face
All the hungry and homeless who struggle to live
But heaven is watching tonight
Tugging at our hearts to do what’s right

And we are his hands, we are his voice
We are the ones who must make the choice
And if it isn’t now, tell me when?
If it isn’t you, then tell me who
Will save the children?
Who will save the children?

As we observe then through our T.V. screens
They seem so distant and unreal
But they bleed like we bleed
And they feel what we feel

Oh, save the children
Save the children
Save the children

Now we decide that nothing can change
And throw up our hands in numb despair
And we lose a piece of our souls
By teaching ourselves just how not to care
But Christ would have gone to the cross
Just to save one child from being lost

And we are his hands, we are his voice
We are the ones who must make the choice
And it must be now
There’s no time to waste
it must be you
No one can take your place
Can’t you see that only we
Can save the children
Save the children
Save the children
Please, save the children
Will save the children?
Who will save the children?

Lyrics taken from:   http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/randy-stonehill-lyrics/who-will-save-the-children-lyrics.html